Sep 23, 1811
At the Meryton assembly ball
DARCY
... You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.
BINGLEY
For heaven's sake, Darcy, how attractive does a lady need to be?
DARCY
Look, Bingley, I didn't come to Hertfordshire to quench everyone's thirst for dance partners.
BINGLEY
Well, at the very least you could dance with Miss Lucas. Her father has been quite helpful to me, introducing me around and so forth.
DARCY
I'd sooner dance with a horse.
BINGLEY
Well then let me introduce you to a few people. There's no point in being a stranger to the entire town.
DARCY
Bingley, I have a lot on my mind right now. I just need a little peace and quiet.
BINGLEY
Peace and quiet at a dance? Can you at least admit that those Bennet sisters are attractive?
DARCY
I've already acknowledged that the eldest Miss Bennet is very attractive. The rest are, well...
BINGLEY
Just remember, Darcy. Jane is mine. ...Oh, here comes Hurst. Maybe he can talk some sense into you.

HURST
Darcy, have you tried this sherry? It's Sir William's I'm told.
DARCY
Yes. Very nice.
HURST
Do you want me to introduce you to some of the young ladies? I've met every single one of them, you know.
DARCY
I'm not surprised.
HURST
I could introduce you to Miss Elizabeth Bennet if you wish.
DARCY
Who?
HURST
The girl you've been staring at for half an hour.
DARCY
Who are you watching, Hurst, the ladies or me?
HURST
She took off like a rabbit when you were talking with Bingley. What did you say?
DARCY
She probably had to go milk a cow or something.
HURST
I think Charles won the jackpot this year. Lovely girls all around. What do you think of that bevy of Bennets?
DARCY
Tolerable, but not --
HURST
They're the five girls we saw in the dress shop. ...Oh, good god. Here comes my wife. If you need me I'll be near the sherry.

MRS. HURST
Why Fitzwilliam. You appear even more glum than usual. And you haven't been dancing. Caroline needs a partner.
DARCY
Why don't you and I take the next dance?
MRS. HURST
All right.
DARCY
Have you noticed that your brother is well on his way to becoming attached again?. Just like last year.
MRS. HURST
Yes I have. But she does seem like a sweet girl.
DARCY
And we've been here barely a week. And her mother. I can see the cogs spinning inside her skull already.
MRS. HURST
Well, frankly, sometimes I wish Charles would just make up his mind and marry someone. Anyone. I know Caroline wants him to make a good match, but --
DARCY
So do I. If we remain patient then someone is sure to turn up in town sooner or later.
MRS. HURST
But you've found flaws in every single lady that he's met in London. I do value your advice, Fitzwilliam, but tell me where you think he's likely to find someone that you and Caroline both think is suitable?
DARCY
Not way out here.
MRS. HURST
Oh I don't know. Maybe he's right to go on this annual foxhunt. He's bound to find someone suitable some day.
DARCY
Not likely. People out in the country are too, too...
MRS. HURST
Caroline is absolutely distraught out here. She has another list of possibilities lined up for him in town, you know.
DARCY
Yes. I've seen her list. Vultures the lot of them.
MRS. HURST
And what about yourself? If you don't find someone soon then you'll have to settle for your cousin Anne.
DARCY
Well, that's not likely to happen.
MRS. HURST
Don't be so sure. I've met your aunt.
DARCY
I love cousin Anne dearly, but she's not exactly the sort of --
MRS. HURST
...Oh, here comes Caroline. Talk to her. And why don't you dance with her?

MISS BINGLEY
Mr. Darcy. Are you having as dreadful a time as I am?
DARCY
Why don't you grab one of those plow jockeys and show him how we dance in London?
MISS BINGLEY
Oh please. He'll tromp all over me.
DARCY
That young man over there seems to be watching you quite closely.
MISS BINGLEY
Ugh. Why don't you and I show them how it's done?
DARCY
I've promised the next dance to your sister. I'm sure Hurst will dance with you if you can get his attention.
MISS BINGLEY
Do you realize that there's no place in this barn where I can powder my nose? What do you think, Mr. Darcy? Does my nose need a bit of --
DARCY
I think your admirer is coming this way.
MISS BINGLEY
Oh, heavens. I'm off then. Tell him I have the pox or something.

MRS. HURST
Well, Fitzwilliam. Did you and Caroline sort out Charles' future?
DARCY
Yes. She was most helpful.
MRS. HURST
Are you dancing with her?
DARCY
No. I promised you the next dance.
MRS. HURST
My husband just told me that you've been ogling one of the local ladies. Is that true?
DARCY
What? Me? Hardly.
MRS. HURST
I thought I noticed it too.
DARCY
Well...
MRS. HURST
Well?
DARCY
Well, I did notice one young lady who is not completely unpleasant to look at. I have to keep busy with something while I'm stuck here. But please don't mention it to --
MRS. HURST
Have you been introduced to her?
DARCY
Certainly not.
MRS. HURST
Well, after this dance I'll bring her over. It'll make Caroline jealous, I dare say.
DARCY
No, no, that's really not ---
MRS. HURST
Since she's the daughter of Sir William, I think it's only proper that you --
DARCY
What? Louisa, you've got the wrong, um, ...oh dear.
MRS. HURST
Oh, the music is starting.




HURST
Darcy, I brought you some of that sherry. And a cigar. Make yourself look useful, will you?
DARCY
Hurst, what exactly did you tell your wife?
HURST
As little as possible, my friend. That's the only way to cope with wives, you know.
DARCY
She thinks that --
HURST
When you're finally married, Darcy, I'll have all sorts of good advice like that for you.
DARCY
What's this? You know that I like to clip my own cigars, Hurst.
HURST
Shall I get Miss King to light it for you?
DARCY
Lighting a cigar, Hurst, is a skill that I wouldn't trust to a country girl.
HURST
She may get your mind off Miss Bennet, Darcy. You have to avoid focusing all your energies on just one lady. Otherwise you'll be in danger.
DARCY
Do me a favour and just ignore me for the remainder of the evening.
HURST
But no one else is ignoring you, Darcy. Mrs. Bennet is having a field day with you over in that corner.
DARCY
With me?
HURST
You're the belle of the ball. You should hear what she's calling you.
DARCY
Oh, good grief.

DARCY
Bingley, can we leave now? Now?
BINGLEY
Oh, I don't think so, Darcy. In a moment I'm having my second dance with Miss Jane.
DARCY
But Bingley --
BINGLEY
Why don't you go talk to Miss Mary Bennet? I hear she's quite accomplished, Darcy. Just your type.
The next dialogue: Bingley admonishes him after his dreadful behaviour at the assembly
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